I was born in a broken down shack in the middle of nowhere and raised by wolves because my parents (Elvis and Madonna) were too busy to take care of someone as demanding awesome as me. When I was 14 I was discovered by Steven Spielberg who was making a documentary about unruly teenagers and the wild animals that raise them. I was ripped from the paws of my loving wolf mama and taken to Hollywood where I was forced to take a bath so I could appear on the Dr. Phil show. He asked me a bunch of questions but I didn't understand his language so mostly I just sat under my chair howling from time to time. Apparently this was funny because people laughed and I was sent off to New York City. I spent the next 15 years trying to make a show called "Saturday Night Live" funny again. I failed. I did, however, learn to use a fork.

Obviously this is all fiction although it is far more interesting than my actual life. I live in the United States with too many cats. I spend my time reading, cooking, recording TV shows on my DVR and then never watching them and creating pointless web sites like this one. I am a former musician/singer/songwriter but now I just sit out in my "man cave" singing old karaoke songs. I do still have a guitar and some keyboards so maybe I'll get back to playing someday... maybe.

I'm also a very creative person and love making graphics, scrapbooking and crocheting. When I'm not busy being sick I like to visit with friends and family and embarrass myself in public. I'm actually quite good at the latter.

I love my cats. I love taking pictures of my cats. I love posting pictures of my cats on Facebook and Instagram. Yes, I am that person. I will be single forever.

That's all I can think of. If you have a burning question feel free to Maramail me and I'll do my best to answer you as quickly as possible.